Eating Disorders Don’t Have a “Look”
When most people picture someone with an eating disorder, a very specific image often comes to mind: someone who is visibly thin, frail, and clearly unwell. This stereotype is deeply ingrained in our culture—and deeply misleading.
The truth is this: eating disorders do not have a “look.”
They affect people of all body sizes, ages, genders, ethnicities, and backgrounds. Many individuals struggling with a serious eating disorder may look “healthy” on the outside while suffering intensely on the inside. This misconception doesn’t just create misunderstanding—it actively delays recognition, support, and recovery.
At Being and Becoming Counselling and Wellness Services in Burnaby, we see firsthand how harmful the idea of a “typical” eating disorder can be. It prevents people from seeking help, invalidates real suffering, and contributes to stigma that keeps individuals silent. This post aims to challenge that narrative and replace it with a more accurate, compassionate understanding.
The Myth of the “Typical” Eating Disorder
Popular media often portrays eating disorders in narrow and dramatic ways: extreme weight loss, hospitalization scenes, or bodies that visibly conform to society’s idea of “sick enough.” While some individuals with eating disorders do experience noticeable physical changes, many do not—or not right away.
Eating disorders are mental health conditions, not body types. They are defined by patterns of thoughts, emotions, and behaviours related to food, body image, and control—not by a person’s weight or appearance.
Relying on appearance as a measure of illness creates a dangerous hierarchy of suffering, where people feel they must look a certain way to “qualify” for help. This belief keeps countless individuals from receiving care until their condition becomes more severe.
Eating Disorders Occur Across the Weight Spectrum
One of the most damaging misconceptions is that eating disorders only affect people in smaller bodies. In reality, individuals in higher-weight, average-weight, or fluctuating bodies can—and do—experience restrictive eating, bingeing, purging, obsessive exercise, and intense body distress.
People in larger bodies are more likely to be misdiagnosed, dismissed, or praised for disordered behaviours such as extreme dieting or food avoidance. Weight loss may be celebrated even when it is driven by illness, reinforcing harmful patterns and delaying intervention.
Research consistently shows that medical complications and psychological distress can be just as severe regardless of body size. Someone does not need to be underweight to be malnourished, at risk, or in need of support.
Eating Disorders Are Not a “Young White Woman’s Illness”
Another persistent myth is that eating disorders primarily affect teenage girls or young women. While eating disorders often emerge during adolescence, they affect people of all ages—including children, middle-aged adults, and seniors.
Eating disorders also affect:
Men and boys
Transgender and non-binary individuals
People of all racial and cultural backgrounds
Neurodivergent individuals
Athletes, parents, professionals, and caregivers
Many people outside the stereotypical image struggle in silence because they don’t see themselves reflected in public narratives about eating disorders. This invisibility can make it harder to recognize symptoms, ask for help, or feel understood once they do.
“But They Look Fine”: The Danger of Invisible Struggles
Because eating disorders don’t have a consistent outward appearance, many people hear phrases like:
“You don’t look like you have an eating disorder.”
“But you’re healthy.”
“You look fine to me.”
“At least you’re not as sick as some people.”
While often well-intentioned, these comments can be incredibly harmful. They invalidate a person’s experience and reinforce the idea that suffering must be visible to be real.
Eating disorders are often highly concealed illnesses. Individuals may:
Eat normally around others but restrict when alone
Compensate through exercise, purging, or fasting
Feel intense anxiety, shame, or guilt around food
Spend hours thinking about eating, weight, or body shape
Appear successful, social, and “put together” while struggling internally
Just because someone is functioning does not mean they are well.
The Emotional and Psychological Toll
Focusing only on physical appearance ignores the profound emotional impact of eating disorders. Many individuals experience:
Obsessive thoughts about food, calories, or body size
Constant self-criticism or body dissatisfaction
Anxiety, depression, or perfectionism
A sense of control that feels necessary for survival
Deep shame and fear of being “found out”
These internal experiences can be exhausting and isolating, even when no one else notices anything “wrong.” For many people, the emotional pain is far more overwhelming than the physical symptoms.
Why This Misconception Delays Help
Believing that eating disorders have a specific look creates barriers at every level:
Individuals may think they’re “not sick enough” to deserve help
Families and friends may miss warning signs or minimize concerns
Healthcare providers may overlook symptoms if weight appears “normal,” or make harmful comments or recommendations based on someone’s body size
Society may continue to reward disordered behaviours under the guise of health
Many people delay seeking support until they feel they have “earned” it—often waiting until their condition worsens. Some also seek help from trusted professionals who minimize their struggles or assume they cannot have an eating disorder because of their body size. Early intervention is one of the strongest predictors of recovery, making these delays especially concerning.
At Being and Becoming Counselling and Wellness Services in Burnaby, we strive to create a safe, nonjudgmental space where all experiences are valid and early support is encouraged.
What Eating Disorders Do Look Like
If eating disorders don’t have a look, what do they look like?
They often show up as:
Rigid rules around food or eating times
Avoidance of social situations involving food
Guilt or anxiety after eating
Compulsive exercise or distress when unable to exercise
Frequent dieting or fear of weight gain
Feeling disconnected from hunger and fullness cues
Using food (or lack of food) to cope with emotions
These signs may be subtle, gradual, or hidden—but they matter.
Recovery Doesn’t Have a Look Either
Just as eating disorders don’t have a look, recovery doesn’t either. Recovery is not defined by a specific body size, eating style, or timeline. It is a deeply personal process that involves rebuilding trust with food, the body, and oneself.
For some, recovery may involve weight changes. For others, it may not. What matters most is improved quality of life, reduced distress, and a healthier relationship with food and body.
There is no “right way” to recover—and no requirement to look a certain way to be considered deserving of care.
How We Can Do Better
Challenging the idea that eating disorders have a look is a collective responsibility. We can all help by:
Avoiding comments that equate health with appearance
Taking concerns seriously, regardless of body size
Listening without judgment or comparison
Encouraging support early rather than waiting for “proof”
Recognizing that mental health struggles are not always visible
At Being and Becoming Counselling and Wellness Services, we believe that every person’s experience is valid. You do not need to meet a stereotype to deserve support.
You Are Not “Not Sick Enough”
If you are struggling with food, eating, or body image and wondering whether it’s “bad enough” to seek help, this is your permission to stop waiting.
You do not need to look a certain way.
You do not need to hit a crisis point.
You do not need to justify your pain.
Eating disorders don’t have a look—but they do have real consequences, and recovery is possible with the right support.
If this post resonates with you, or if you’re concerned about someone you love, reaching out to Being and Becoming Counselling and Wellness Services in Burnaby, BC can be a powerful first step. You deserve care, compassion, and help—exactly as you are.