Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for Relationships: Rebuilding Connection, One Step at a Time
Relationships—whether long-term or newly forming—can be deeply meaningful, life-giving, and also incredibly challenging at times. If you’ve found yourself feeling stuck, emotionally disconnected, or struggling to navigate a period of change or rupture, you’re not alone.
At Being and Becoming Counselling & Wellness Services, we support couples and people in all kinds of intimate partnerships to reconnect, repair, and build more secure and resilient emotional bonds. We draw on Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)—a compassionate, research-supported approach to helping partners deepen their connection and navigate conflict with greater understanding.
Whether you’re in a monogamous couple, a queer relationship, a polyamorous configuration, or something less conventional, EFT offers a powerful path toward stronger, more authentic connection.
What Is Emotionally Focused Therapy?
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is a highly effective, evidence-based model for improving relational connection and healing emotional distance. Rooted in attachment theory, EFT focuses on the emotional safety between people. It helps partners recognize the patterns that keep them disconnected and provides tools to move toward more secure, emotionally responsive ways of relating.
Through EFT, partners learn to:
Understand the deeper emotions and needs underlying conflict
Communicate more effectively and empathetically
Rebuild emotional and physical closeness
Create new patterns of trust, responsiveness, and support
EFT is flexible and inclusive—it can support couples, triads, or other configurations of partners, and it can be adapted to fit the unique dynamics of each relationship.
Who Is EFT For?
While EFT is commonly used in couples therapy, its core principles apply to a wide range of relationship types and structures. It’s helpful for:
Long-term committed couples
Newer relationships wanting to build strong foundations
Relationships navigating life transitions or parenting stress
Queer and trans partnerships
Open or polyamorous relationships seeking better communication and connection
Anyone experiencing recurring conflict, emotional disconnection, or a desire for deeper intimacy
If you care about your relationship and want to grow together, EFT can offer meaningful support—regardless of your structure, orientation, or stage of connection.
Common Reasons People Seek EFT
People reach out for relationship therapy for many reasons. Some of the most common include:
Ongoing conflict or arguments that never get resolved
Feeling emotionally distant or unheard
Challenges around communication, trust, or vulnerability
Navigating betrayal, infidelity, or breaches of trust
Struggling to stay connected during transitions (e.g., becoming parents, career changes, moving)
Wanting to grow emotionally closer or prepare for deeper commitment
In some cases, relationship therapy may focus on one specific issue. In others, it's about reshaping how you relate to one another more broadly. EFT provides a framework for both.
What Makes EFT Unique?
EFT stands apart from many other relationship approaches because it focuses not just on what couples argue about, but why those arguments feel so painful or stuck.
It helps partners tune in to:
The deeper emotions and needs underneath reactivity
The interaction cycles that create distance or hurt
How to express vulnerability in a way that invites empathy and care
What each person needs to feel safe, seen, and supported
EFT offers a path not just to better communication, but to a stronger emotional foundation for the relationship.
What You Can Expect at Being and Becoming
At Being and Becoming, we know how vulnerable it can feel to talk about relationship struggles. That’s why we provide a welcoming, affirming, and compassionate space for all partners—no matter what your relationship looks like.
You can expect:
Therapists trained in EFT and attachment-based therapy
Supportive, non-judgmental space for exploring patterns, emotions, and needs
Affirming care for all identities and relationship styles—including LGBTQIA2S+ and consensual non-monogamy
Virtual sessions across BC and in-person sessions in Burnaby
Affordable therapy options, including reduced-fee sessions with doctoral practicum counsellors who are also Registered Clinical Counsellors
We’re committed to helping people of all backgrounds, orientations, and relational identities build more connected and fulfilling partnerships.
The Process of Emotionally Focused Therapy
Emotionally Focused Therapy typically unfolds over three key phases, each designed to help partners move from disconnection to deeper emotional closeness.
1. De-escalation
In this first stage, your therapist helps you and your partner (or partners) identify the repetitive patterns that keep you feeling stuck, misunderstood, or emotionally distant. Rather than focusing on who’s “right” or “wrong,” the emphasis is on how you relate and what’s happening beneath the surface—often feelings like fear, hurt, or the longing to feel closer. The goal is to slow things down and better understand the emotional cycle you’re caught in.
2. Restructuring the Bond
This is often the turning point in EFT. As emotional safety builds, partners begin to share more vulnerable emotions and unmet needs—the kinds of things that often go unspoken in the heat of conflict. Through guided conversations, you start to reconnect in new ways. You may find yourselves expressing care, fear, or longing with a level of openness you hadn’t reached before. These moments of vulnerability are powerful—they begin to reshape the emotional bond between you.
3. Consolidation
Once new interaction patterns are in place, the final phase focuses on strengthening and sustaining these changes. You’ll work together with your therapist to integrate what you’ve learned and reinforce the new ways of connecting. Rather than just gaining insights, you leave therapy with real, lived experiences of connection—something you can draw on again and again as your relationship continues to evolve.
Benefits of EFT
While every relationship is unique, many people experience the following outcomes through Emotionally Focused Therapy:
Greater emotional safety and trust
Deeper understanding of each other’s needs and inner worlds
More effective and respectful communication
Reduced frequency and intensity of conflict
Stronger emotional and physical intimacy
More confidence in navigating challenges together
For relationships involving more than two people, EFT can help clarify roles, strengthen communication between partners, and foster greater mutual understanding within the broader relational system.
Why Choose Being and Becoming?
Here’s what sets us apart:
What We OfferWhy It MattersEFT-informed therapistsWe use evidence-based approaches tailored to your unique relationship dynamics.Inclusive, affirming careWe welcome all couples and relationship structures with respect and sensitivity.Virtual & in-person flexibilityAccess support wherever you are in BC.Accessible pricingSliding scale and reduced-fee therapy available.Free consultationsMeet with a therapist before committing to full sessions.
We’re here to meet you where you are—whether you’re in crisis, in transition, or simply wanting to grow.
Getting Started
If you're ready to strengthen your relationship, deepen your connection, or just explore what’s possible, we’d love to support you.
Here’s how to take the next step:
Final Thoughts
Whether you’re facing a rough patch or simply longing for more closeness, Emotionally Focused Therapy offers a way to reconnect with the people who matter most to you. At Being and Becoming, we’re here to support all kinds of relationships—honouring your values, your identity, and your hopes for the future.
If you’re ready to move toward deeper understanding, stronger emotional bonds, and lasting connection, we’re here when you’re read