The Downward Spiral of Depression: Understanding the Cycle and Finding a Way Out
It doesn’t always begin with a crisis. Sometimes, depression starts as something subtle — a few sleepless nights, a fading interest in things you used to enjoy, a nagging sense of heaviness that won’t go away. You tell yourself it’s just a rough week, that you’ll bounce back soon. But slowly, the spark dulls. Motivation slips away. Everyday life starts to feel like wading through mud.
This is what many people describe as the downward spiral of depression — a painful, self-reinforcing loop that can make life feel smaller and smaller. At Being and Becoming Counselling and Wellness Services in Burnaby, we often meet clients somewhere along this spiral: some just beginning to slide, others who feel trapped at the bottom. Wherever you are, it’s important to know that depression is not your fault — and there are proven ways to stop the descent and begin the climb back up.
How the Spiral Often Begins
Let’s imagine someone named Maya.
Maya has always been dependable — at work, in her relationships, in her family. For months, she’s been under pressure at her job, juggling deadlines and responsibilities. At first, she tells herself she’s just tired. But the tiredness doesn’t fade. Her focus wavers, she starts cancelling plans, and small tasks begin to feel overwhelming.
When she lies awake at night, her mind whispers harsh truths that feel impossible to silence:
“You’re letting everyone down.”
“You should be stronger than this.”
“What’s wrong with you?”
These thoughts make her feel worse, so she isolates further. She skips meals, avoids calls, and spends hours scrolling online. Each time she withdraws, she feels guilty for doing so — and the guilt deepens her despair.
Without realising it, Maya has been pulled into a downward spiral — one that affects how she thinks, feels, and behaves.
Understanding the Cycle
The downward spiral of depression is a looping relationship between thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. Each part fuels the others:
Negative thoughts (“I’m failing,” “I’m worthless”) lead to painful emotions like guilt, shame, or sadness.
Painful emotions sap energy and motivation.
Avoidance behaviours (withdrawing, procrastinating, neglecting self-care) provide brief relief but reinforce feelings of failure and isolation.
It’s a vicious circle that can feel impossible to escape — but with awareness and support, it can be interrupted.
Why It’s So Hard to Break Free Alone
Depression is cruel in how it traps people. It drains the very resources — motivation, energy, and hope — that you need to get better. It whispers that you’re a burden, that help won’t work, that you should just “try harder.”
But depression is not about weakness or willpower. It’s a condition that affects both the brain and body, altering how you process information and experience reward. This is why professional support can be transformative. Counselling provides a safe space to untangle these patterns and rebuild a sense of control, one step at a time.
At Being and Becoming Counselling and Wellness Services in Burnaby, we often help clients understand how depression works in their lives and introduce practical, evidence-based tools to reverse the cycle.
Three Therapeutic Approaches That Can Help
There isn’t a one-size-fits-all path out of depression, but some approaches are particularly effective in addressing the downward spiral. Three of the most well-supported are Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Behavioural Activation (BA), and Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT).
1. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT): Rewriting the Inner Story
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy helps people recognise how their thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are interconnected. Depression often fills the mind with automatic negative thoughts that feel true:
“I always mess things up.”
“Nothing will ever get better.”
“I’m a burden.”
CBT helps you pause and question these thoughts. Through structured exercises, you learn to identify cognitive distortions — patterns like all-or-nothing thinking or discounting the positive — and replace them with more balanced, compassionate perspectives.
For Maya, this might mean realising that while she missed a deadline at work, she’s also received positive feedback and managed numerous challenges successfully. She begins to replace “I’m failing at everything” with “I had a difficult week, but I’ve handled many things well before.”
Over time, CBT helps quiet the harsh inner critic and builds a more realistic, hopeful mindset — one that supports healing rather than deepening despair.
2. Behavioural Activation (BA): Taking Small Steps Toward Change
When depression takes hold, it often causes people to withdraw from activities that bring them joy, meaning, or connection. That withdrawal, while understandable, feeds the spiral — because the less you do, the worse you feel.
Behavioural Activation offers a powerful antidote. It focuses on doing before feeling better, recognising that small, purposeful actions can begin to lift mood and rebuild motivation.
At Being and Becoming Counselling and Wellness Services, our counsellors often start with simple, achievable steps:
Taking a five-minute walk around the block.
Preparing a healthy meal.
Calling a supportive friend.
Spending a few minutes outdoors or listening to music.
These actions may seem minor, but they’re deeply meaningful. Each one counters inertia, reintroduces positive reinforcement, and helps build momentum. Over time, these small changes accumulate, gradually transforming the downward spiral into an upward one.
3. Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT): Observing, Not Absorbing
Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy blends CBT principles with mindfulness practices to help you relate differently to your thoughts and emotions. Rather than trying to suppress negative thoughts, MBCT teaches you to notice them with curiosity and compassion.
When Maya’s mind says, “You’re not good enough,” instead of believing it outright, she learns to observe: “There’s that thought again — the one that shows up when I’m stressed.” This simple shift — from being inside the thought to noticingit — reduces its power.
MBCT helps people step out of the automatic thought loops that fuel depression. It’s particularly effective in preventing relapse, offering lifelong tools for emotional balance and self-awareness.
At Being and Becoming Counselling and Wellness Services in Burnaby, mindfulness is often integrated into sessions to help clients ground themselves, manage stress, and reconnect with the present moment.
From Downward to Upward: Maya’s Turning Point
Over time, through therapy, Maya begins to recognise her patterns. She sees how skipping her morning routine contributes to low energy, how isolation intensifies negative thinking, and how small successes — even something as simple as making a meal — can shift her mood.
Her counsellor helps her build a balanced weekly plan using behavioural activation, focusing on gentle structure and routine. She schedules regular walks, reconnects with a friend, and reintroduces her love of painting on Sunday afternoons.
Through CBT, she learns to challenge her inner critic, keeping a journal of more balanced thoughts. And with MBCT, she practices sitting quietly for five minutes each day, noticing her thoughts as passing mental events rather than absolute truths
None of this changes overnight — but slowly, steadily, Maya’s world expands again. The heaviness begins to lift. She starts to feel like herself, not all at once, but piece by piece.
Gentle Steps to Begin Your Own Climb
If you recognize yourself in Maya’s story, you’re not alone. Many people who come to Being and Becoming Counselling and Wellness Services in Burnaby describe a similar cycle of exhaustion, guilt, and hopelessness. The good news is that there are small, practical steps you can begin today:
Notice the pattern. Pay attention to how your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours interact. Awareness is the first step to change.
Start small. Choose one achievable action each day that gives a sense of purpose or pleasure — even if it’s tiny.
Challenge your inner critic. Ask yourself: Is this thought completely true? What would I say to a friend who felt this way?
Practice mindfulness. Learn to notice your thoughts with openness rather than judgment — seeing them as passing mental events, not absolute facts or truths.
Reach out. Depression isolates, but connection heals. Talk to someone you trust or consider booking a session with a qualified counsellor.
When to Seek Immediate Help
If your depression feels overwhelming, or if you’re having thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please reach out right away. In Canada, you can call or text 988 for free, confidential mental health support. You can also contact your GP, go to your local emergency department, or reach out to a trusted friend or family member.
You are not alone — and help is available, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.
Hope Beyond the Spiral
Depression convinces you that things will never change, but that’s one of its biggest lies. The same cycle that pulls you downward can, with the right tools, lift you back up.
CBT helps you rewrite the story your mind tells you.
Behavioural Activation helps you rediscover movement, purpose, and pleasure.
MBCT teaches you to live with greater awareness, clarity and self-compassion.
At Being and Becoming Counselling and Wellness Services in Burnaby, we’ve witnessed countless clients transform despair into growth and numbness into renewed connection. Healing doesn’t happen overnight, but it begins the moment you decide to reach out.
If you’re ready — or even if you’re unsure — our counsellors are here to walk beside you, one step at a time. Together, we can start turning the spiral upward again.